The short answer: the best questions to ask when meeting someone new are easy to answer, open-ended and linked to where you are. Start with the shared moment (“How do you know the host?”, “Is this your first time at one of these?”), move to what they enjoy (“What keeps you busy outside work?”) and then follow up on whatever detail they give you. One good question plus genuine follow-ups beats a long list every time.
This guide gives you 50 questions organised by the moment you need them: the first two minutes, getting past small talk, and specific settings such as a new job, a party, a group meetup or a new neighbour. It also covers the questions to skip and the follow-up habit that does most of the work. It is written for the UK, Ireland and Australia, and it works for friends, groups and dates.
- Shared moment: “What brings you here?”
- Their choices: “What’s been keeping you busy lately?”
- Follow the detail: “Wait, you’re learning the cello? How’s that going?”
Then share something of your own and let the conversation find its own way.
What makes a good question for someone new
When you have only just met, a good question does three things. It is easy, so nobody has to think hard or feel tested. It is open, so it invites a story rather than “yes” or “fine”. And it is relevant, so it feels like a natural part of the moment rather than something you rehearsed.
| Instead of | Try | Why it works better |
|---|---|---|
| “Do you like it here?” | “What’s the best thing about living round here?” | Invites a story, not a yes or no |
| “What do you do?” | “What keeps you busy at the moment?” | Lets them choose work, hobbies or family |
| “Busy week?” | “What’s been the best bit of your week?” | Positive and specific |
| “Where are you from?” | “Where’s home for you?” | Kinder to people with complicated answers |
| “Tell me about yourself.” | “How did you end up at this thing?” | Concrete and easy to start |
If you are looking for opening lines rather than questions, our guide to good conversation starters has 75 by situation.
Questions for the first two minutes
These are low-stakes ways in. Anyone can answer them, and they all give you something to follow up on.
- How do you know the host?
- Is this your first time at one of these?
- What brings you here?
- Have you been to this place before? Anything worth ordering?
- How’s your week been so far?
- Did you come far to get here?
- What’s been the best bit of your day?
- Do you know many people here, or are you winging it like me?
- What did you get up to at the weekend?
- How long have you lived round here?
Admitting a little nervousness (“I don’t know anyone here, so I’m introducing myself to everyone”) is often the warmest opener of all. For more on easing into a chat with a stranger, see our guide to small talk with strangers.
Questions to get past small talk
Once you have a rhythm, these move the conversation from logistics to the person. They are still light enough for a first meeting.
- What keeps you busy outside work?
- What’s something you’ve got really into lately?
- What are you looking forward to this month?
- What’s the best thing about living round here?
- Where’s home for you, originally?
- What’s something you’ve tried for the first time this year?
- If you had a completely free Saturday, what would you do?
- What’s the best trip you’ve taken recently?
- Are you reading or watching anything good at the moment?
- What’s a skill you’d love to learn?
- What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you this week?
- What’s a local place you’d recommend to someone new?
- What did you want to be when you were growing up?
- Are you more of a planner or a spontaneous person?
- What’s a small thing that always cheers you up?
Want to go further once you know each other a little? Our deep conversation starters are sorted by depth level, and our list of fun questions to ask new friends keeps things playful.
Questions to ask when meeting someone new, by setting
At a new job
- How long have you been here, and what’s it like?
- What do you wish someone had told you in your first week?
- Where does everyone go for lunch?
- What’s the best part of your role?
- What do you get up to when you’re not here?
At a party or social event
- How do you know everyone here?
- What’s the best party you’ve ever been to?
- Have you got any plans for the rest of the weekend?
- What’s the story behind your name?
- Which song would get you on the dance floor?
At a group meetup or class
- How did you find this group?
- Have you done anything like this before?
- What made you want to try it?
- Which sessions have been your favourite so far?
- Do you do anything else like this during the week?
Joining a group that is already chatting? Our guide on how to start a conversation in a group has scripts for getting in without interrupting.
With a new neighbour
- How are you settling in?
- Where did you move from?
- Have you found a decent coffee place yet?
- Do you know the bin collection days? (A surprisingly good icebreaker.)
- Is there anything you’re still looking for round here?
With a friend of a friend
- How did you and our friend meet?
- What’s the most embarrassing story you know about them?
- What have you two got up to recently?
- Have we been at the same thing before without meeting?
- What’s something you’re excited about at the moment?
The follow-up habit
The questions above are only the door. What makes someone feel interesting to talk to is the follow-up. A simple method:
- Listen for one detail. If they say “I’ve just come back from Galway,” the detail is Galway.
- Ask about it. “What took you there?” or “What was the highlight?”
- Share something related. “I’ve only been once, for a wedding, and it rained the whole time.”
- Repeat. Their next answer will contain a new detail.
This turns a list of questions into a real exchange. It also takes the pressure off: you do not need to think of a brilliant next question, just to notice something in what they said.
When the conversation has run its course, end it warmly rather than letting it fizzle. Our guide on how to end a conversation politely has easy exit lines.
Questions to avoid
Some questions feel natural but can make a new person uncomfortable. Leave these until they bring them up:
- Money: salary, rent, how much something cost.
- Age and life stage: “How old are you?”, “Are you married?”, “Do you want kids?”
- Bodies and health: weight, diet, why they are not drinking.
- Big beliefs: religion and politics, especially in a group.
- Judgement disguised as curiosity: “Why would you live there?” or “Isn’t that a bit of a dead-end job?”
- Interrogation mode: five questions in a row without sharing anything about yourself.
The easiest place to practise all this is a small plan where everyone has already agreed to meet. That is the idea behind MeetNow, our own app: a host posts a plan at a public place with a time and a few seats, people ask to join with a short note, the host picks who comes and accepted guests get a group chat. By the time you arrive, “How did you find this plan?” is a ready-made first question.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta: open MeetNow and see the plans near you.
Frequently asked questions (FAQ)
What is the best first question to ask someone new?
A question about the shared situation, such as “How do you know the host?” or “Is this your first time here?” It is easy to answer and gives you a natural follow-up.
How many questions should I ask when meeting someone new?
Fewer than you think. One good question followed by two or three follow-ups about their answer feels like a conversation. Many questions in a row feels like an interview.
Is “What do you do?” a bad question?
Not bad, just limited. Some people dislike being defined by work. “What keeps you busy at the moment?” lets them talk about a job, a hobby or a project.
What questions should I avoid with someone I’ve just met?
Avoid salary, age, relationship status, children plans, weight, religion and politics unless they raise them. Also avoid questions that sound like judgements, such as “Why would you live there?”
How do I keep the conversation going after the first question?
Pick one detail from their answer and ask about it, then share something of your own. Repeat. Listening for details does more than any list of questions.
